Posts Tagged ‘Behaviour’

Just Kidding
Eating, Sleeping and Tantrum Problems Learn how to create healthy lunch boxes and a good sleep routine for positive moods and independence. Please note: Bookings for this event must go directly via the event organiser (see detail below) and not by selecting the automated ‘make a booking’ button below. Please bring along some cash, should you wish to purchase any of Super Granny’s merchandise (books, incentive charts, parenting CDs, etc.)
18 August 2014 7:30pm-9:00pm Shaping the will without breaking the spirit Parents have such different styles of parenting. There are 5 different styles that are appropriate at different times. Building self confidence – the difference between praise and encouragement  
  19 August 2014 7:30pm-9:00pm Age Appropriate Boundary Setting When to say yes, how to say no and stick to it. What is within my boundaries to change and what behaviour do I have to accept.
  20 August 2014 7:30pm-9:00pm Peace in the Home My child is actually not naughty, he just doesn’t listen/sleep in his own bed/throws tantrums/won’t eat healthy and my spouse and I do not agree on discipline  
Story time
Building Confident Children Puffed up or built up? What is the difference between praise and encouragement? Different personalities portray lack of confidence in different ways. When: Monday ,14 July 2014 Time: 7-9pm R75pp or R200 if attending all 3
Age Appropriate Boundary Setting When to say yes, how to say no and stick to it. What is within my boundaries to change and what behaviour do I have to accept. When: Tuesday, 15 July 2014  Time: 7-9pm R75pp or R200 if attending all 3
Peace in the Home My child is actually not naughty, he just doesn’t listen/sleep in his own bed/throws tantrums/won’t eat healthy and my spouse and I do not agree on discipline When: Wednesday, 16 July 2014 Time: 7-9pm R75pp or R200 if attending all 3      
Raising Happy Healthy Children
Raising a child today can be a daunting task – the responsibility is enormous; the challenge is one few first-time mums are ready for and knowing the right thing to do is often learned by trial and error rather than having someone take us through the steps to empowered parenting. In Raising Happy, Healthy Children, Sally-Ann Creed and Andalene Salvesen bring together two of the most important aspects of raising a healthy child – discipline and a healthy diet – by implementing suggestions which have been proven in practice for many years, you may find your task easier in a multitude of ways. This book is designed to be a quick-reference, practical guide for common discipline and diet dilemmas. It takes you through the stages from pregnancy to 6 years covering topics like: • How to deal with tantrums effectively • How diet affects behaviour • Eating and sleeping problems • Understanding different temperaments • Healthy lunchbox ideas Childhood is a time for being carefree, healthy and happy. Read Raising Happy, Healthy Children and learn how to raise children who are emotionally and physically healthy. About the authors Sally-Ann Creed is a qualified Clinical Nutritionist in private practice, and author of Let Food Be Your Medicine. She serves on the board of experts of the South African Journal of Natural Medicine and has been a regular contributor to this magazine for several years. She has also been the health Writer for Christian Living Today since 2004.  Sally-Ann was named SA’s Most Influential Woman in Business and Government 2009/2010 for her contribution to health. Andalene Salvesen is a professional parenting coach, mother of four and grandmother of nine. She conducted mother and toddler classes for 12 years and was the owner and principal of a nursery school for eight years. She has presented her own parenting seminars internationally for the past 15 years and transforms family dynamics by empowering parents, teachers and au pairs by inspiring them with creative tools for raising happy, healthy children. R150 (South Africa) / 100 dir (Dubai) / $20 (USA) excluding posting and packaging If you are interested in purchasing this book please contact:  Madelein Nortje via info@munchkins.me Published: Struik Christian media Website: www.struikchristianmedia.co.za  

Once a word leaves your mouth, you cannot chase it back even with the swiftest horse. –Chinese Proverb Teachers and parents play a very important role when it comes to protecting our children from being shamed. The words we speak and the attitude and response to a child’s behaviour can be damaging or encouraging. Think of comments you remember from childhood. What emotion does it bring up in you? Here are some examples of statements that can be emotionally damaging when used regularly: • You always. • You never. • What were you thinking? • Why can’t you be like your brother? • What did you do THAT for? • You idiot! • You’ll never amount to anything. • You are an accident waiting to happen. • Typical you! • You irritate me. • You make me mad. • You’re so slow/sloppy/clumsy/irresponsible. • You’re naughty/impossible. • You embarrass me. • Your brother is the apple of my eye/the best at … • You are such a nerd. • You can’t ever do anything right. • You have no dress sense. If you experienced these derogatory words as a child, it is very easy to fall into the trap of repeating the cycle with your own children. Please do not hesitate to ask for help. A cycle can be broken! It takes so many positive words to cancel out the negative effects of the above kind of remarks. Positive statements are far more effective. They can build a child’s self-confidence and independence and contribute towards a positive relationship with you. Find opportunities where you can say things like: • I am so proud of you for trying. • You did such a good job. • You are amazing/considerate/helpful. • I love the way you help your sister. • That was kind to… • That was thoughtful. • Are you really already old enough to …!? • That must have taken a lot of effort. • You’re such a good friend. • That was quite a sacrifice. • I can’t believe you remembered to … • That was very brave/courageous of you to … • Thank you for being so understanding. • I know that was hard for you. The emphasis needs always to be on ‘I love you, but I don’t accept what you have done’ or ‘I love you but I cannot accept your behaviour’ .Do not be tempted to say things in the heat of an argument. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation and resume the conversation later. Or, tell your child that you will think about a punishment and post it on the refrigerator later. Your word needs to be your word. That way, they learn to trust you so that when you say, ‘I love you’, The will know you really mean it. This is why I encourage a time-out from a young age because time-out is even a good practice for adults; removing themselves from a situation to calm down and gain a different perspective of the situation or to think about an appropriate response. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E Frankl ‘It’s mine!’ Without giving it much thought, parents automatically say things like, ‘Don’t touch that, it’s mine.’ How many times does a child hear that from the time that they are crawling babies? then, when The are toddlers and a friend comes to play, parents are shocked to hear them snatch a toy away and say, ‘No, it’s mine.’ We need to emphasize the fact that, yes, it belongs to Mommy, Daddy, or a friend, but that is not the reason not to touch. The reason should rather be: • It’s hot. • It’s not your turn. • It could break. • I do not want you playing with it. • And the like. When children are fighting over toys, I have often heard a parent say, ‘Well, after all it is his toy.’ That is not the point. Having possession of any item does not give you the option of being selfish, but simply affords you the right to share it at an appropriate time, with a good attitude. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! It often happens in a home visit that while I am talking to the parents, the child will be doing something they shouldn’t. The parents then start randomly saying the child’s name over and over. The parent knows what they are implying, but generally the child does not. Theyhave learnt to ignore their name because there is not an instruction that follows nor a consequence to their lack of response. Rather say, ‘Johnny, look at me’ or ‘Johnny, stop running’ or what- ever the instruction is, but not just ‘Johnny’ randomly in different tones. This eventually just goes right over their heads. Make every word count The same applies when your child calls you. Do not ignore his ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’ Parents often learn to block out noise to be able to cope. However, tune in when your child is calling you, and respond immediately, either by answering or by showing the hand signal.  
Puffed up or built up? What is the difference between praise and encouragement? Different personalities portray lack of confidence in different ways. Some come across as shy and others as clowns. In this seminar we discuss ways to encourage our children to develop self confidence that will help them even through the turbulent teens.  
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.” William F. Halsey It has become more and more common for mom’s to take on the mother and father role. Besides the high divorce rate, fathers are often away as it is sometimes more financially beneficial to do so, than to be working from home. Sometimes even the moms have to travel too. A child could be acting out as a result of feeling like the father is absent, often away from home, or not taking the rightful place as head of the home. My friend was shocked when her husband came home from a business trip and her young son said, “Look mommy, that uncle has come to visit againHere are some dynamics to watch out for when dad travels often: • Mom struggles to share the responsibilities once dad is home. She has had to cope making all the decisions and being in control of the running of the house and single handedly coping with the discipline. On dad’s return, it becomes a mind-shift to adapt to the different roles again. • Dad feels guilty and wants to compensate for being away so tends to indulge the children. • Mom has ‘had enough’ and wants to hand over the responsibilities and have a break, while dad has preconceived ideas of ‘resting’ because he ‘has been working so hard’. And so the clash begins. • Dad comes home bearing gifts, and mom is seen as the ogre. • Mom allows children to sleep in her bed while dad is gone. They are chased out on his return and he becomes the ogre. Unless these issues are raised and discussed ahead of time, conflict can arise. The excitement and anticipation of his return can become a disaster with unmet expectations causing a blow up. Set up clear agreements of who is responsible for what in dad’s absence as well as when dad returns. Try to resume the same routine every time dad is home. Discuss issues and routines like: • Does dad do the bathing every night? • Does he take the children to school? • Does he help with cooking? • Who takes over paying the accounts, • Is the role of disciplinarian shared? When boundaries are established, then there is less chance for unmet expectations, which lead to disappointments and stress. The goal should always be to create “Peace in the Home” How to keep in touch Skype sessions are a great way to stay connected and be remembered. If your children are still under 8, you can tell them adventure stories on Skype instead of just asking, “how was your day?” It could be an adventure story that you make up as you go, with interesting events that could carry over to the next time so that they wait in anticipation for your next call. Or, remember an event they shared with you, like their friend’s dog that died, and ask them about it. With older children, show an interest in their hobbies or sports. You could ask questions like, “What was your highlight and lowlight this week?” “What was the best meal mommy made this week?” Also with the younger ones, you can record something before you leave. Whether it be a story that you have read or a message that you want them to listen to. They will enjoy hearing your voice. A count down calendar, like an event calendar, will help them look forward to the day you come home, with excitement. Resist the temptation to come home with presents as you walk in the door. Otherwise the tune you will hear is “What did you buy me?” instead of, “Hello dad!” Try not to over compensate because of your absence but rather step right up to the plate of being the parent in the house and insist on first time obedience and respect. Do not hesitate to dish out a consequence when necessary, then you can enjoy the rest of your time together. Otherwise they know they can get away with murder as soon as you arrive home. This can be extremely frustrating for your wife as she has had to handle the disciplining on her own and it then seems as if you are the friend and she is the “meany”. Let the children realize that you missed your wife as much as you missed them – this will give them a sense of security. “Remember to be nice to your children because they are the ones that choose your old age home one day” – Anon

Healthy Boundary Setting

When to say yes, how to say no and stick to it. What is within my boundaries to change and what behaviour do I have to accept?