Review by Ellie Salkeld, Events Organiser and Book Reviewer for TwinsPlus Arabia.
This book: Raising Happy, Healthy Children, by Sallie-Ann Creed (a clinical nutritionist) and Andalene Salvesen (Super Granny) is much more than a guide to time-outs (although if you’re looking for Super Granny’s secret method to installing obedience into your kids in one three-hour visit, it IS here). I think reading this before you book your private home visit is almost a must: if you violently disagree then you will save some money. And if you agree with all of it then you can begin practicing some new habits before Andalene comes over and save some time!
‘It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men.’ – Frederick Douglas
In a previous blog, we gave a broad overview of the ‘peace in the home’ diagram and elaborated on the first of 6 questions that parents need to ask of themselves to achieve this seemingly elusive peace that they long for.
- Salvesen covers all the childhood phases, from tots to teens, dealing with appropriate consequences for anything from tantrums to silent defiance.
- Her five easy steps will empower every parent to achieve the desired results with their children.
- Parents will easily relate to Salvesen’s descriptions of her home visits – often humorous, sometimes emotional – and the problems she encounters in different homes.
- When you are on a highway, you know exactly where you are headed, provided that you stay on that highway.
- However, if you choose to take one of the exits, you will land up at a different destination. The choice is yours.
- When you know you are building up to an explosion, you know where you are headed.
- If you choose an alternative route, you could have a different outcome.
- No one can make you angry: you choose to be angry.
- Try to break the pattern by choosing a different off-ramp.
- If you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else will. think of how many people it would take to replace you, and the cost! As a parent you are priceless!
- It is a juggle to keep all the balls up in the air, but make sure one of those balls has time for you to relax and enjoy some sort of hobby or time with friends.
- Your tank needs to be filled so that you can give to others out of the overflow.
- By making time for yourself, you will be in the head space to deal with whatever comes your way.
- If you have neglected yourself, you will almost certainly be in an over-reactive state.
- In my experience I have found that the main reason why parents become so angry is because they repeat instructions over and over.
- This then builds up into a screaming match and they are simply ignored until they totally lose it. If they have no other form of discipline, shouting becomes the only ‘effective’ tool.
- But it is actually counter-productive because the parents feel guilty afterwards and end up indulging their children out of guilt; the children abuse this opportunity and the cycle repeats.
- Having a sibling is a privilege.
- There are sometimes wonderful lessons in character building that can be learnt on ‘fast forward’ when a sibling arrives.
- The most important one is to learn that the whole world does not revolve around the child; this is called ‘a sense of entitlement – the whole world owes me something’.
- Having a sibling also teaches ‘Poor Simon’ to wait.
- How will you learn to be a patient adult if you never learn patience?
- Nobody is born with it. Patience means waiting with a good attitude.
- The more you practice it, the more patient you become.
- They feel entitled to have whatever they want, not need.
- The one parent appears to be the ogre while the other is the ‘fun’ parent.
- They lose respect for the parent without boundaries.
- It places strain on both parents – for the one, a financial strain to maintain this standard and for the other to try to compete with the ‘fun’ parent.
- If it is circumstances beyond your control, then do not beat yourself up over them. Accept that you have done your best, and move on. Find someone you can trust to talk to and share your concerns.
- When you come home from work, try to spend at least the first 15 minutes giving undivided attention, then use chill time.
- Take one child at a time to perhaps help with the cooking.
- Don’t feel guilty about using time-outs if necessary as soon as you walk in the door. This way you can enjoy the rest of the evening.
- The alternative is shouting and fighting throughout the evening and counting down the minutes to bedtime, then getting into bed feeling guilty.
- If you have started a bad habit, yes, take responsibility for it, but move on. Change it.
- The alternative is that you continue to have the child in your bed, then a year from now, you have to add another year on to your complaint of, ‘Well, it is my fault, so why should he be punished?’
- It’s not ‘if ’ a child eventually gets to sleep in his own bed, it is ‘when’. The earlier you start, the easier it is to change a habit.
- Moving can cause minor trauma, but again, if it is a decision you have made that you feel is best for your family or if it is out of your hands, it is time to move on and accept this.
- Moving to new schools has the advantage that children learn to make new friends, and this can become an adventure.
- When any or more of these changes happen in families, the first response parents have is to throw the rules out the window to compensate for the changes.
- When children have predictable boundaries, they feel safe.
- When the boundaries change because of Mom’s mood, circumstances or Dad being away, they are not sure where they stand, and this brings on insecurity.
- They then push in all directions to establish where the boundaries are.
Lovingly known as Super Granny, Andalene Salvesen travels the world as a speaker and parenting coach. She was the owner and principal of a school in Cape Town for 8 years. Being mostly a stay-at-home mom, with a passion for children, she compiled a parenting seminar combining extensive knowledge and valuable experience. She has been presenting this course for more than 16 years in a variety of venues and locations. Out of this, arose the need for families to have personal one-on-one attention for their particular needs. For the past decade, she has helped families by coaching them through common parenting challenges such as healthy boundaries, tantrums, sleeping, eating, discipline, sibling rivalry and much more, in the privacy of their own homes. Munchkins is a powerful resource to assist you with every step of the parenting journey. We believe in empowering parents with the right tools to transform family dynamics and offer a range of practical solutions for your family. This includes providing parenting talks, home visits, healthy lunchbox sessions and online parenting courses with simple and easy to apply advice for all ages. Find out more about us on our website at or follow us on our Facebook and Twitter social pages for some great updates, tips and parenting advice.
Lovingly known as Super Granny, Andalene Salvesen travels the world as a speaker and parenting coach. She was the owner and principal of a school in Cape Town for 8 years. Being mostly a stay-at-home mom, with a passion for children, she compiled a parenting seminar combining extensive knowledge and valuable experience. She has been presenting this course for nearly two decades in a variety of venues and locations. For the past decade she has also helped families by coaching them through common parenting challenges such as healthy boundaries, tantrums, sleeping, eating, discipline, sibling rivalry and much more, in the privacy of their own homes. Munchkins is a powerful resource to assist you with every step of the parenting journey. We believe in empowering parents with the right tools to transform family dynamics and offer a range of practical solutions for your family. This includes providing parenting talks, home visits, healthy lunchbox sessions and online parenting courses with simple and easy to apply advice for all ages. Find out more about us at www.munchkins.me